The Men Who Open Doors in Mindanao

There are men who stand at the doors of most shops, they open the shop door as I approach and they open again when I exit. They are polite and they have guns. Most have revolvers, with bullets arranged around their belts, some also have first aid kits tucked into their belts. In the banks they hold pump shotguns. And not a single one of them is overweight, they have ramrod straight backs, are tall, dressed in very clean uniforms that have the world SULTAN on their left chest. Other than the firearm, they all appear to have been molded from identical samples.

Ah, uneducated! Poo!
Why do you say that?
They say 'Hey Joe' to you.
What does that mean?
It means they are uneducated. See that man?
Yes.
That is Antoinette's Mom's husband, he is working.
He doesn't look like he is working to me he looks like he is smoking and standing.
No, he fixes the electricity. But I am not close to him. See that building?
Yes.
There is a german man in there. He is doctor. My sister sees him, it is free.
Do you know every Kano in town?
No, just the good ones. When you come to live here I will know you.

Tonight there will be Lichon, it is a roasted pig, Lorna tells me that it weighs 60 kilos, after cooking it will be 40 kilos. Her aunt is an expert at Lichon. I ask if the head will be there and Lorna says of course! And you must eat the tongue or the ear! Much laughter, joke only, I found out later. Toto will eat the tongue. Toto smokes, but he always leaves the area to do so, even after I tell him it is fine. I find out later, this is because if someone opens a package of cigarettes they are obligated to offer one to everyone present. For this same reason, he buys them one at a time.

The woman who is the Lichon expert is not actually her aunt. She is just a very good female friend who is older than her. I feel like I am always one clue away, but it is ok. Right before I departed for this place I read an account from southern Mindanao, where men from the NPA disguised as police swooped down on the actual town police station and kidnapped them all, drove them away in trucks to the jungle. The one person who was quoted about the incident said "Oh, they will return with the real police soon. They are just trying to embarass them, and the government too." Now I think I understand that. Joke only.

What car do you drive in your place?
Honda...Honda civic.
Oh, a Carrito!
What does that mean?
Means a car made of wood! Ha, joke only. What color is it?
I don't know...sort of silver-gold.
Oh...skintone we call it. Hondas cannot be taxis here, only Toyota or Nissan.
Why is that?
Who knows? It is the government. They are jokers...like clowns, you know?
Yes, sure. Like me, right.
Yes, exactly! No, joke only. When you come to live here I will know who you are.

I have the feeling at some point I will eat part of the head of the lichon tonight. It is just a feeling. They sell machine guns in the mall here. I will swim in the Mindanao sea tonight. Tomorrow I go to Camiguin island. Toto is at the joker government office now getting permits to take his car on the ferry. I am going to have Jolly Spaghetti for lunch. That is really what it is called. It is sold near the place called Piggypie Snackshop.

Joke only!